I have spend this month working on this image of metal balls being poured out of glass.  I wanted it to be colored glass balls being poured out of a glass beaker, but POV-RAY would render two lines, then give up, complaining about there being too many glass objects.

I think this image turned out well, much better than I expected.

 

Hopefully this year I will have more of a chance to get on POV--RAY and produce more images.  It is one of my goals for the year, so we will see how that goes.  :)

See you next year?

Isn't it amazing how a simple color choice can make a major difference in the way a scene is perceived?    Of course, in many things, a small difference in initial conditions can mean a huge difference in the final output.  This is because most systems operate on a feedback loop of some type, with minor instabilities growing into appreciable differences as time progresses.

In these images, I altered one parameter just a little bit and got three radically different images.  With one image, I altered the six and seven sphere's cosine radius (the distance between the center of the spheres from the origin of the scene) and ended up with all the spheres sitting on top of one another, a situation in which my POV render-er did not like at all.  It displayed its displeasure by taking the better part of an hour to render the image, of course, with seven coincident glass spheres in an intersecting area, computational difficulties are to be expected.  :p

With the other two images, I altered the color of the light from the primary sphere, changing it from a soft blue light to a pure white light.  I feel that this carries the image from a soft, gentle, almost surreal scene to a harsh, hard image devoid of friendly emotion.  Interestingly, the light's brightness was not changed at all, it just appears that way.

What do you think?  What does these rendered images remind you of?  What do they make you feel?

What are we?

Well, for starters, we can say we are human.

We are animals.

We are DNA based organisms.

We are carbon based organisms.  A carbon backbone of phosphorus, oxygen, and hydrogen compose our being.  Carbon, an element that has four free electron slots and an affinity for hydrogen bonding compose us.

We are stardust.  Born from the remains of a star, and into a star we will go.  It is wondrous to think that we exist in that brief moment of time between the frozen flame of a plasma kiss and the eternal void of space beyond; the razors edge of life, caught between boiling heat and freezing cold.  For one cosmic moment we are just right, too hot to keep our shape, but too cold to boil away.  Much like Goldilock's porridge, as a life form, we are... just right.  As a species, as a society, as a culture, we suck.  Our myriad problems notwithstanding, this cosmic moment is ours.  It is up to us to seize the moment, live our lives, our Universe in a moment, and a moment in the Universe.

Carpe diem.  Seize the day, for it is yours.

This is an image of metal balls being poured out of a glass.  This is the first rendering of the image, and as you can see, there is much tweaking to be done.  The image is made with the POV Raytracer 3.6, and it contains over 12,000 objects in it.

When the image is done, the spheres will be pouring out of the glass jar and bouncing off a bumpy table and scattering.  Right now, the glass is misaligned, there are no spheres in it, and the table cannot be seen.  Hopefully that will be fixed soon.

Interestingly, this is the first time I have touched POV-Ray since last year's TAD.  I promised myself I would make images each month,  but I didn't.  So, who knows what will happen this year.

After much hemming and hawing, I finally signed up for Thing-A-Day 2011.  I could not for the life of me remember my user name, so I chose one that I thought it was, but sadly, I was wrong.  lol

This year, I am probably not going to be doing a lot of posting.  Not that I don't like TAD, in fact, I really, really enjoy it; the creativity of TAD is phenomenal, but there are issues going on in my life that prevent me from enjoying the full experience.

For starters, I don't feel inspired.  For TAD 2010, my mind was bursting with ideas and thoughts, so much so that I felt compelled to act on them.  And I did.  Looking back at my work from then, I found that I did so with frightening speed and tenacity.  My whole being was poured into TAD 2010, and I got a wonderful result back.  Back then, lateral thinking was the nom-de-joure, today work demands that sequential thinking rule my brain.

I am also going to school full time.  I don't have the time I used to devote to other pursuits, as my homework has gotten more involved as the classes progress.  Granted, with my abilities, the classes are easy, but there is no way to shortcut writing a forty page paper on the history of business ethics.  Add to this school schedule the fact that I am working two minimum wage jobs just to try (and fail) to make ends meet, and my time is rapidly eaten up.

Lastly, but most importantly, my grandfather is sick.  He broke his leg a few weeks ago, and ended up catching some horrible lung disease followed by having open heart surgery.  (This is why I fear hospitals.  Go in for a broken leg, end up with major surgery.)  He's currently recovering from his quadruple bypass, however, the process has been long, slow, and very difficult.  For me, my family is very important.  I'm sorry TAD friends, but I have other duties to attend to.  Something must give, and right now, its TAD.

I will be around, but just not as much as I was last year.  I hope you understand.

-Gordon

Dear Thing-A-Day users,

As the month of February draws to a close, I find myself given to reminiscing. As As February broke, TAD dawned upon us, bright and cheerful, filled with the promise of great things to come, with great challenges, great risks, and great rewards. We came together as a community and greeted one another as a pack of dogs meet-and-greet, with trepidation and unconfined enthusiasm.

The new dawn of TAD found me a broken shell of a man, bitter and angry over my lot in life. I knew no-one at TAD, so to vent was for me, an experience that could only lead to conflict within myself, or resolution and reconciliation within my tormented brain. So, I revealed myself to the world as I knew how to. That piece, on the second day of February, became my most read post, indeed, one of the most read posts on Thing-A-Day. It came out raw, angry, and honest. The response I got back surprised me. Rather then react with anger, or hostility, I got back love and understanding. People read my work, and identified with my position.

As TAD progressed, cliques formed amongst the TAD community, with certain people replying to others, and ignoring everyone else. It's human nature, so it was nothing to worry about. After all, I developed some great friends during this month; people I would be honored to meet in real life, people I AM honored to have spoken with; either on Thing-A-Day, microblackholes, facebook, Skype, or over the phone. People genuinely cared.

TAD was therapy. No, TAD is therapy. It has helped me put myself in order in ways that I could only have dreamed of. As the twilight of February fades away into the warm, dark embrace of March, I find myself a changed man. I am not completely healed, but my mind is stronger now then it was at the beginning of this beautiful journey. So thank you TAD users, my friends. Without you, I would not be as strong as I am. Without you, my friends, I would not be ready to face the world. Thank you.

They say that confession is good for the soul. Within TAD I have laid my soul bare, along with my flesh, my mind, and my essence. I was able to view myself through the comments of others, sort through who I was, and pick out who I wanted to become. With the help of people here at TAD, as well as Facebook, and my family, I have taken the steps I needed to to get back on the road to recovery.

It is with great sadness that the time comes to say goodbye. I hope that with the dawn of tomorrow, I will still be remembered by TAD, much as I will remember and cherish all of you. I will hold the comments, the e-mails, the phone calls within me, so that when I feel down, I can reach into my mental bag, remember the beauty of TAD, and be buoyed up from the depths of misery. I consider myself lucky, because of TAD, I can have something special that makes saying goodbye so hard. I will miss you all.

Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.
-Dr. Seuss

Sincerely,
Gordon

One thing I have noticed is that when you time your TAD placement
affects the number of posts you get. As it turns out, I was
completely wrong, to a point. While the posting time during the first
24 hours affect how many views your post gets, after the day is up,
people continue to view your post, and the number of total views you
get becomes effectively random.

For fun, I posted some stats about TAD and microblackholes.
Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, I don't have the time right now
to do a full statistical analysis on both sites. I would have loved
to, but I am kind of busy right now watching youtube videos. :p

Enjoy what little I have.

I apologize for the length of the video, it was only supposed to be
five minutes long.

How do you feel?

I am alive. Its a definite improvement over what I felt six weeks ago.

Absolutely. Have you had any more thoughts of suicide since then?

No, not really. I have gotten depressed a few times over work and decaying friendships, but I have no desire to jump from the ledge.

How else do you feel?

I've experienced a gamut of emotions since then. Hope, happiness, bitter disappointment, rage, love, lust, confusion, anger, and so on.

It sounds like life has improved for you since we last spoke. As I recall, last time, you were busy stewing over some friendships, and how you were going to open up, mentally and emotionally, or even if that was even possible.

Yes, life has changed, but not improved. I lost my job at the landfill. That's mixed blessing, although I miss the money, I don't miss being by myself day in and day out. I am doing day labor for a company called LR, and I applied for, and got denied for, unemployment. Ironically, I didn't make enough money. Nor are things going well for the radio show, either. The show got moved to yet another time slot, and I am still not making any money off of it.

What about your gaming group? You told me that you felt motivated to improve yourself and get better so you could show your friends in the group how you were improving.

Well, B used her, “I'm dating an admin” powers to remove me from the group. And of course, no-one has the guts to talk to me, least of all her. The other friends I had in the group obviously know something, but no-one is talking to me. I've been abandoned by them, and although that really hurts, the lies and silence hurt a whole lot more.

If they abandon you now, they were not good friends to start with.

I know. I've known they have been piss-poor friends since before I ever tried to date B. It's been almost a decade, and they have never tried to reach out to me. Not when I was better, and certainly not now that I am ill.

You have to be careful in assigning your anger towards them. Most normal people don't interact with grieving individuals. So, rather then do something that helps, like talking to, reaching out, or comforting you, they did what they thought was easiest for them; and did nothing, which is the worst possible thing to do. And now it's doubly complicated, since when you interact with them again, you will have this anger that they may not deserve.

Yeah, it does suck, since I enjoyed the gaming group. I didn't enjoy losing every game to M, but talking to, and joking around with J, E, and A really was a lot of fun. I miss the group, and I would love to be invited back.

You know they are probably not going to invite you back. If the admins are being unfair to you now, what happens if things come to a head between others about you? From what you have said about some of the group members, they are enjoying the drama, and enjoy jerking you around. This is not a healthy situation, and unless they realize what you are going through, it probably won't change.

Yeah, deep down, I know. I used the group as a catalyst to change, though. A reason to shower, shave, work out, and keep myself mentally sharp. I have also used Thing-A-Day to help with that, too.

Oh yes, I remember you talking about that. I read your second piece, and it really clarified for me how things are going about in your head. I doubt you still feel the same way, since today you walked into my office smiling. Although the fact that you are back in my office is somewhat bothersome.

Yeah, things have changed. A great friend of mine recently underwent something similar to me, and I was able to talk to him, and that helped sort out quite a bit of stuff for both myself and him. I feel proud to have helped him.

Congrats. Anything else?

I met some new friends online. A few guys, but mostly girls. One, J, is quite an interesting person. Funny, sharp, and really laid back. She's into casual sex, weed, and great music, definitely a fun person to hang around.

I would advise you to stay away from her. Not only as your doctor, but from a parental aspect as well. You don't want to fall back into drugs, they can completely destroy you.

Yeah, I know. I did my crime, I did my time. It cost me a lot of money, and I haven't touched drugs since. She's not the only person I've met, though.

Oh? Who else?

Well, there's Ja, who is a film buff, and Al, who is into the whole counterculture thing I am trying to get away from. Then there is Y, a girl I am definitely attracted to, but I fear any sort of relationship with her will only end in bitter recriminations and tears. She's pretty, but we don't have a lot in common. And after my less-than-ideal encounter with Bi at Mardi Gras, I am still sorting out my feelings. Even though I am not gay, my encounter with him helped but a lot of ghosts to rest, and enabled me to help start up the “beyond friendship” motors, if you will.

What kind of encounter did you have? It sounds like this man is good for you.

We hung out for hours together at Mardi Gras. Neither of us were seeing any boobs, so we went back to his house, drank some, and relived the 1980s. It was going pretty good until he confessed that he loved me. Then he tried to kiss me, and it kinda went downhill from there.

Oh?

Yeah. I extracted myself from his house, and although we talk on the phone every now and then, I am not gay at all, so it could not work. Although he helped me get past my "pining for A, and B" rut that I was in. Now I am interested in Y, although still confused. I don't think I can love her, but I would enjoy being with her. I dunno. Right now, I am still trying to separate love and sex. It is confusing, and frustrating.

And how does that make you feel?

How do my feelings make me feel?

How do you feel about your feelings?

What kind of question is that?

You tend to respond well to unconventional questions. G, you are like a diamond. Ask the wrong question, and it is like staring at a single facet. Ask the right question, come at the right angle, and your depth and complexity can be seen and explored.

That one I can't even begin to answer.

Try.

It is easy to say that I feel happy, or that I feel sad, but to describe the exact feelings? Much harder. Happiness is a feeling of bliss that consumes your body, sending intoxicating waves of joy and invigorating your mind throughout. To me, trust is a deep feeling of contentment that caresses your body, nuzzles your soul and warms your flesh. The abrupt discovery of an violation of my trust leaves me feeling cold, stripped to the core, much as a flayed jacket would in winter. Apprehension and sadness then become my constant companions, lubricating my base desires, and whispering to me, smothering me in their dark, damp embrace. With them, they bring the twin sisters of grief and loathing, a seductive pair of emotions, with their dark, brooding eyes, and hateful desires.

They strive to strike down all that is good, their coarse hands massaging my id, blazing a trail of dark desire down my bare ego, going down, deep into my soul.

These grandly negative emotions strive to rend the organs of my happiness, secluding them away in the tumescent regions of my body. They know that joy and contentment, love and trust, longing and compassion are scorching emotions, alluring and flirty, seeking to tantalize every fiber of my being, drive forth the measured beating of my heart, tempting me with their warm, soft embrace. Love is driven by the tender caress of serenity, and the soft, female curves of tenderness. My body responds deeply to the seductive gaze of desire, yearning for passion and writhing with every molecule of my very being for the scorching envelopment of lust.

My soul is split, the innocent, idyllic side wanting to be kissable and affectionate, playing it safe and enticing; while the coarser, decadent side desiring to strip the situation down to desire and temptation, dancing about on compassion and apprehension, awakening base feelings that have been suppressed for so long. It wants to expose its hunger, drink deeply of its desires, and pacify the tantalizing sensations that drive us all.

My emotions wrap me up, binding me to myself in a patchwork of memories, and feelings. They snuggle with me, nuzzle my body, and kiss my wounds. They drive me wild as they massage my id, and stroke my ego, then tear me down as they shift, flighty and tempestuous. My emotions feed on the winds of fate, driving me into intoxicating highs, and despondent lows. They form a large part of who I am, and who I will be. Reigning in my emotions will be a draining, yet fruitful endeavor that will teach me much about myself and my abilities as a living, breathing, libidinous human.

Names stripped out to protect others, and some details have been removed. Otherwise, this conversation with my therapist happened pretty much like it was written above. Slowly, and surely, day by day, I am getting better. My approach towards normalacy is slow, and fraught with pitfalls, but I am working hard to keep on the right path.

There is a huge difference between the pay rates of individuals with
masters in engineering, chemistry, or any type of hard sciences, and
someone who does English or international relations. Here in St.
Louis, a Ph.D. In psychology starts off earning $24,000 a year, while
a freshly minted B. Sci. in in Chemical Engineering starts off at
$70,000.

Why the huge disparity? For one thing, the amount of mathematics. Employers pay for math skills. Some employers (Morgan Stanley, Scottrade, et al) pay a lot. And by a lot, I mean six figures in starting salary.

The second reason is difficulty. Compare these two questions I plucked from two different university courses, from different universities here in St. Louis. The first is an International Relations homework question, while the second is an exam question from an Introduction to Quantum Mechanics course.

Let’s suppose that you are a young Chinese in a Chinese rural village who has ultimately migrated to a city in southeastern China. Please describe graphically your life in the rural area and in the urban area, focusing on your hardships in terms of economic condition, social welfare including health and education, legal status, and diseases, for example.

vs.

Provide an example of the No Clone Theorem.

---

I have, for my own amusement, decided to tackle both questions.

Hello, my name is Ying Ying. I live with my eighteen brothers and sisters and revolutionary comrades in a comfortable one room mansion near Guandong. Every day, we go to work for the glorious peoples' republic, working twelve hours a week for a mere tuppence. But I worry not, because even though I am poor in money, I am rich in the revolutionary spirit, which makes my bones strong, and my muscles like iron. The government, though small, cares about all its people, and as such, I know that one day, it will provide for me, much as I have provided for it. I know it is selfish, but I hope that they will come and repair the holes in my roof, for when it rains, I get wet. But that is ok, for the water fills the holes in the floor, so that all twenty six of us may stretch, move about and bathe.

I ride to work everyday on the glorious people's revolutionary bicycle every day. Although the ride is long and hard, for someone stole our tires, and we had to replace them with coconuts. I blame the Americans. I am forced to leave everyday for work in the big city a half hour before I go to bed, whereupon I work thirty-two hours a day, and pay the mill owner for permission to work! But it is ok; because I know that the glorious people's army will come and crush the capitalistic tendencies out of us, and the mill owner is just doing his glorious patriotic duty. Surely our pride in the correctness of communism will overfill our boundaries, swell forth as a red sea of the workers party, and crush the English.

Everyday I go to work, I ride with my grandmother upon my back, and four other hardworking men of the soil upon the rear coconut. I cannot carry anything but the pride of the party upon the front of the people's bike, for the front coconut went flat, I am forced to do wheelies all the way to work. I blame the Japanese for the glorious coconut's martyrdom. I liked that coconut, it was harder working than my lazy neighbors, who only work eighteen hours a day, upon which they return to their unpatriotic brothel, eighty of them living in a cardboard box in the middle of the glorious people's road.

At the mill, I work forty hours a day, stopping only briefly to thank the great Chairman Mao for his worker's gifts to us, a piece of bread, a handful of, thankfully hot, gravel, and a cup of tea, served to us in a cracked cup, which is ok, because I know it represents the cracking of our enemies resolve as they face the glorious might of the mighty Communist Party of China.

---

Let us have a particle in an eigenstate |ψ1> with a blank state |X>. So copying the wavefuction via our magical Quantum Xerox machine yields the final state |ψ1>|X> → |ψ1>|ψ1>, and likewise for an arbitrary eigenstate |ψ2>. Given an arbitrary non-normalized admixture of the two states, say
(α|ψ1> + β|ψ2>)|X>,
this should yield α|ψ1> + βα|ψ2>|ψ1> + β|ψ2>. However, by following our rules above, the Quantum Xerox machine we have
(α|ψ1> + β|ψ2>)|X> → α|ψ1>|ψ1> + β|ψ2>|ψ2>
This is completely wrong, as only the eigenstates have shown up, and the admixture of them has vanished completely. This is as if our Quantum Xerox machine can only copy vertical or horizontal lines, but not diagonal lines.